See I’ve come to burn your kingdom down

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Holy water cannot help you now
Thousand armies couldn’t keep me out
I don’t want your money
I don’t want your crown
See I’ve come to burn your kingdom down

Seven devils all around you
Seven devils in your house
See I was dead when I woke up this morning
I’ll be dead before the day is done
Before the day is done

Seven Devils – Florence and the Machine

This song is hauntingly beautiful.  I have fallen in love with her music!

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Heartbreak Hangover: I would rather fall down a flight of stairs than “fall in like” with someone.

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Never take advice on relationships from single friends.  But what single girl can stomach the advice she gets from happy couples?

“Honesty, trust and communication are the fundamental keys to a successful relationship”…they say

“Forgiveness and respect are the building blocks of love”… they say

“There are other fish in the sea, don’t settle, you deserve better”…. they say

Bullshit… I say.

While their advice is full of rainbows and butterflies, packed with unicorns and glitter, I prefer to turn to my single friends and alcohol.  Meeting someone and falling in like is the most complicated process ever.  I blame Nicholas Sparks: Romance as seen on TV is NOTHING like what real people face.  I gave up searching for my Romeo a few heartbreaks ago.  I would rather shack up with Daryl Dixon any day, even if it means facing the zombie apocalypse and the eminent doom of being eaten alive.

Now that is my idea of Prince Charming.  Cinderella had it ALL wrong.

Now that is my idea of Prince Charming. Cinderella had it ALL wrong.

My very single best friend Blair has been holding on to love for an old college boyfriend.  They have been broken up for years now, but when she visits Raleigh she always meets up with him.  Matt hasn’t held her back from other boyfriends and flings, but Blair can’t let him go because of the way they seamlessly pick up where they left off on their weekends reunited.  A connection of such caliber is RARE right!?  Each time Blair hits the road back home she knows there will always be next time.  Until now.

Matt recently enlisted into the Marines.  After MUCH deliberation, Blair packed her bags for the weekend and hit the road to Raleigh.  With the window of opportunity to express her feelings coming to a close, she knew it was now or never.

Hopes were high as her weekend with Matt fell into place perfectly.  He text her first knowing she was in town (what girl doesn’t LOVE being text first!?!?!).  Matt met her out at the bar where she was with friends.  He asked her back to his place.  They talked for hours.  They had amazing sex.  And continued to talk more.

“Matt, do you know why I will worry about you while you are away”, Blair finally had enough liquid courage to ask.

” I know why.  Because you love me”

YES this was it, she thought!  Blair didn’t even have to say it, he already knew.  Why had she waited to tell him!?  This was perfect!  She paused long enough, with hopes soaring even higher, to enjoy the moment when Matt said it back.  Only… That moment never came.

Matt explained to Blair he had strong feelings for her, but he was still in love with his EX girlfriend.  Who he has not spoke a single word to in a year.

Blair’s options:::

Cry like a baby and leave.  Share a cardboard box with a bum and sleep on the street because she was too drunk to make the 3 hour drive home.

OR

Suck it up, hold back the tears and pretend to sleep.

She went with the second option.  But as Matt continued to ramble on and on about his ex girlfriend, the bum on the street was looking more appealing.  Matt suffered from severe word vomit that night.  Once he opened his mouth about his ex, he couldn’t stop.

Blair suffered from severe real vomit the next day – Heartbreak hang over.

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The same weekend Blair’s heart was dropped kicked across the state of North Carolina, I too was unknowingly facing disappointment.

SIDE NOTE::  Girls know when they are dealing with assholes.  An asshole will never hurt my feelings.  I may choose to hang out and hook up with a boy well aware it will go no where.  I can gladly accept that and proceed with out fear or hesitation.  True caution should be taken if you find yourself getting your hopes up for a guys potential.

I have known this guy for a while.  Brad and I have a lot of mutual friends and know each other very well outside of hooking up.  We started hanging out around the new year.  Many nights were spent together without getting physical, but the attraction was obviously there.

Finally I gave in to the sexual tension.  Fuck it, I’m not hooking up with anyone else, he says hes not hooking up with anyone else.  And it was GREAT.  Everything I could have hoped for.  We started to hang out more.  We started to hang out alone.  We started to hang out sober, alone and running errands together.  Grocery shopping, shopping for house furnishings, we hung curtains together.  While this friendship/sexship continued to evolve, Brad kept mentioning my need for a house key.  I would shrug off the comments.  What guy in his right mind gives a girl a key to his house… Unless he is serious.

When a guy gives a girl a key to his house it means:

– I have nothing to hide

– I want you here

– Come and go as you please

Not wanting to get my hopes up, I never brought up the key subject.  Then it happened.  One day he just handed me a key.  It was even cut in a cute girly design.

I have 2 opposite, yet equally bad, habits.  I either extremely over think a situation, or I extremely under think a situation.  But not this time.  I did not let my brain get the best of me.

Early this week I was out and about on my lunch break.  Brad’s house is in the area and he has been working VERY long days.  He has a large dog who starts to eat door knobs, table legs and floor when he is cooped up too long.  Brad has asked me on a few occasions “If you’re in the area and don’t mind letting Blue out.”  I thought “I have time today, I’ll swing by so Blue can run around for a few.”  How nice am I!?  SOOO nice.  Spending my lunch break with your damn dog.

I called Brad when I got to the house to tell him his front door was unlocked!  Strange!  He was weird on the phone when I told him I was at the house with Blue.  Hmmm… Never got weird before?  Always thanked and thanked me?… Oh well, Maybe he was having a bad day at work and had to go quick.  Boy, do I know how that is.

My contact had been bothering me all day.  I went up to Brad’s bathroom hoping to find the contact solution I needed to save it.  Nothing worse than rocking one contact when you are as blind as I am.  Unfortunately, I did not find the contact solution I needed and had to toss my bad contact.  However, even with only one good eye I still managed to see the used CONDOM in the bathroom trashcan.

When i left his house, I left the key on the counter top and locked the door behind me.

And so upon our reunion last night, Blair and I drank.  Cheers to Heartbreak Hangover.

R.I.P to relationships – We are so much cooler online

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My generation will be the last to remember the nerve racking feeling of calling a crush on their home phone, praying to the adolescent gods their parents don’t answer.  My generation will be the last to remember the significance of each text message sent and received, because texting plans were new and very limited.

“Text messages?  Why should I pay an extra $10.00 a month for you to pass a note through your phone.  Just call them”, my dad used to say.  Again, leaving me faced the risky reality of please-dont-let-your-parents-answer-my-call roulette.

I come from a relatively small town.  There were a handful of high schools in the area.  After graduating, a lot of kids head off to college, and in time most migrate back.  Through the growth of social networking, there is a general population in my age group who know of each other (mostly without actually knowing anything about each other)

On many occasions I have been out and crossed paths with people I “know of” – Either nodding my way through awkward pleasantries, or returning the favor of zero acknowledgement from the other person.

Thinks to self:: “You favorite my tweet from across the bar, but can’t say hello?”

As a single girl in my mid 20’s, I am starting to miss the butterflies as a result of real time interactions with the opposite sex.  There is ZERO romance in casually playing off eye contact, then Facebook messaging me the next morning.

Actual Facebook message from boy to chicken shit to talk to me…

facebook message

:::Name and picture have been altered to save whatever ounce of dignity this guy has left.  On that note, his man card has definitely been revoked in my book.:::  Hey, at least he had the decency to ask if I had a boyfriend.  At this rate, that question is becoming rhetorical.  Bahah, Boyfriend!?  With your inbox maybe….  Is it just me, or did that sound naughty?

I understand a lot of girls are bitches.  They go out to flirt for drinks, they shoot down compliments and label men as “thirsty” (Please, do not judge me for the use of “thirsty”.  I see condescending females referencing guys as “thirsty” on twitter – Eeeeeeeven though, in my opinion, these said females seem to be “thirsty” for the attention.  BUT that is another rant I shall save for another time).  With that being said, I still am a firm believer in human interaction upon meeting.  Sure guys, you may strike out or get shot down.  GOOD!  Then you know that girl is NOT worth your time.

I am not conceited enough to think every guy who approaches me is hitting on me, unlike the Lily Pulitzer wearing trophy wife social snob wanna bes mention in paragraph above (Disclaimer: Im not judging Lily, I have a Lily Pulitzer planner for work that I could not live without.  The bright colors are fun, and it keeps me organized. That reference is simply for picture painting purposes).  However, I am saying facebook, twitter, instagram, text messages ect have made meeting new people really LAME.

One bright side to social media, I can confirm the next day if my beer goggles were misleading me.

Attention:: Music Lovers – An app you can’t live without!

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Picture the scene in every movie where the character’s actions are set to music.  It is generally a defining moment, and lets face it, song choice is 100% influential to how viewers interpret the event.

I may not be saving Gotham City or plowing toward an iceberg large enough to sink the unsinkable, but I still enjoy a good playlist fitting of my mood or activity.  8tracks is an amazing app you will wonder how you ever lived without.

Playlists have been created then “tagged” for certain moods and activities.  Users can combine multiple tags for a specific style of music.  For example:  As a new user I logged in and searched the “explore” option.  Chill, Study, Indie Rock, Happy, Country, Drive, Sex, Weed, Morning, Workout, Party, Relax are only a small handful of the “tag” options you can choose from.

Choosing tag combinations (chill+drive, or sex+indie, or any of the endless possibilities) then prompts playlists with music catered to your tags.

Fall in love with a playlist and add it to “favorites” to easily find that playlist again.  I have shared this gem of an app with many friends who are now 8tracks junkies.  After all, what good is an addiction if you dont share it with others!  Enjoy

I’m just a good girl with a few bad habits.

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With my 25th birthday quickly approaching, I have been weighing my good habits against my bad.  No better time for self-improvement than at the turning of another year, right?

WARNING::: Listing bad habits may lead to an unwanted self evaluation.  Lets face it, some bad habits are fun.  This fact could lead to denial instead of progress.  (I have a feeling after this post, I will be left with excuses ((But at least I can say the 25th year of my life started with an attempt to improve, which is more than I can say for the previous 24.)))

1.  Smoking socially – This is one bad habit I plan to kick immediately.  I don’t even like cigarettes.  And while I tend to think it is such a “James Dean-esque” idea when I’ve been drinking, waking up with a cigarette hangover is not fun.

2.  Mr. Wrongs –  “Does he have a motorcycle?! Because if you’re going to throw your life away, he better have a motorcycle!”  -Lorlie, Gilmore Girls.  As it turns out, my bad boy did not have a motorcycle.  I can say my last relationship was a lesson learned the hard way.  5 long years of learning the hard way.

3.  Coffee – I think kicking my caffeine habit may be more detrimental than sticking to it.  Last time I skipped my morning pick me up, I got a traffic ticket.  I explained to the police officer I had run out of coffee and was forced to get behind the wheel with out my daily dose of caffeine.  When he told me there was no excuse to blow through a stop sign, I asked him “Officer!  Do you drink coffee!?”  He laughed and proceeded to ask for my license and registration.  For insurance purposes and the safety of all other drives on the road, I think I will continue to enjoy coffee regularly.  But I can say I have acknowledged my dependence and accept it.

4. Buying make up I never wear – But its sooooooo pretty!

5.  Staying up past my bed time – I mostly blame the internet and good books for my lack of beauty sleep.  I plan to shut down social networking, text messaging, and my books at a decent hour allowing for a solid 8 hours of sleep 5 nights a week…  As soon as I finish the Game Of Thrones series.  Because book 3 is getting REALLY good, and I cant make any promises until I’m through.

6.  Picking at my skin! – This is terrible, I know.  I see one teeny tiny bump, and I mess with it until it is HUGE and RED!!!… I think I will have to chop off my fingers to get over this pimple popping addiction, but I MUST stop NOW.  My complexion depends on it!

Other than that, I’m perfect 😉 No need to get over ambitious on my journey to self improvement.  Let’s stop at 6.  (Well, 4 and a 1/2 really)

Young and Beautiful? Plastic makes perfect…

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Will you still love me
When I’m no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?

-Lana Del Rey

Beauty comes in many shapes, sizes, colors and interpretations.  Yet, with the precedent set from a flooding of images society is exposed to on such a regular basis, that opening notion can be easily forgotten.  On any social network at any given time, pictures of every day people are stream lined with images of airbrushed celebrities.  Talk about competition: Knowing the man of my dreams could scroll past sexy swim suit models and MY picture in a few clicks of the mouse.  I mean really – I have great boobs… Until you compare them to Queen Victoria Secret Sex Goddess half naked.

Unfortunately, instead of acknowledging the unreal amount of time, money and teamwork put into to creating Hollywood Hotties, we try to keep up.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate Instagram filters as much as the next girl.  But where do we draw the line?!  Fake boobs, fake tans, fake hair, butt injections, false eyelashes, acrylic nails, dental veneers – When make up turns into “fake up” it is time to stop the madness!!!  Even being different becomes trendy when “individuality” is in the pursuit of popularity.

Be you.  Everyone else is taken.