Heartbreak Hangover: I would rather fall down a flight of stairs than “fall in like” with someone.


Never take advice on relationships from single friends.  But what single girl can stomach the advice she gets from happy couples?

“Honesty, trust and communication are the fundamental keys to a successful relationship”…they say

“Forgiveness and respect are the building blocks of love”… they say

“There are other fish in the sea, don’t settle, you deserve better”…. they say

Bullshit… I say.

While their advice is full of rainbows and butterflies, packed with unicorns and glitter, I prefer to turn to my single friends and alcohol.  Meeting someone and falling in like is the most complicated process ever.  I blame Nicholas Sparks: Romance as seen on TV is NOTHING like what real people face.  I gave up searching for my Romeo a few heartbreaks ago.  I would rather shack up with Daryl Dixon any day, even if it means facing the zombie apocalypse and the eminent doom of being eaten alive.

Now that is my idea of Prince Charming.  Cinderella had it ALL wrong.

Now that is my idea of Prince Charming. Cinderella had it ALL wrong.

My very single best friend Blair has been holding on to love for an old college boyfriend.  They have been broken up for years now, but when she visits Raleigh she always meets up with him.  Matt hasn’t held her back from other boyfriends and flings, but Blair can’t let him go because of the way they seamlessly pick up where they left off on their weekends reunited.  A connection of such caliber is RARE right!?  Each time Blair hits the road back home she knows there will always be next time.  Until now.

Matt recently enlisted into the Marines.  After MUCH deliberation, Blair packed her bags for the weekend and hit the road to Raleigh.  With the window of opportunity to express her feelings coming to a close, she knew it was now or never.

Hopes were high as her weekend with Matt fell into place perfectly.  He text her first knowing she was in town (what girl doesn’t LOVE being text first!?!?!).  Matt met her out at the bar where she was with friends.  He asked her back to his place.  They talked for hours.  They had amazing sex.  And continued to talk more.

“Matt, do you know why I will worry about you while you are away”, Blair finally had enough liquid courage to ask.

” I know why.  Because you love me”

YES this was it, she thought!  Blair didn’t even have to say it, he already knew.  Why had she waited to tell him!?  This was perfect!  She paused long enough, with hopes soaring even higher, to enjoy the moment when Matt said it back.  Only… That moment never came.

Matt explained to Blair he had strong feelings for her, but he was still in love with his EX girlfriend.  Who he has not spoke a single word to in a year.

Blair’s options:::

Cry like a baby and leave.  Share a cardboard box with a bum and sleep on the street because she was too drunk to make the 3 hour drive home.


Suck it up, hold back the tears and pretend to sleep.

She went with the second option.  But as Matt continued to ramble on and on about his ex girlfriend, the bum on the street was looking more appealing.  Matt suffered from severe word vomit that night.  Once he opened his mouth about his ex, he couldn’t stop.

Blair suffered from severe real vomit the next day – Heartbreak hang over.


The same weekend Blair’s heart was dropped kicked across the state of North Carolina, I too was unknowingly facing disappointment.

SIDE NOTE::  Girls know when they are dealing with assholes.  An asshole will never hurt my feelings.  I may choose to hang out and hook up with a boy well aware it will go no where.  I can gladly accept that and proceed with out fear or hesitation.  True caution should be taken if you find yourself getting your hopes up for a guys potential.

I have known this guy for a while.  Brad and I have a lot of mutual friends and know each other very well outside of hooking up.  We started hanging out around the new year.  Many nights were spent together without getting physical, but the attraction was obviously there.

Finally I gave in to the sexual tension.  Fuck it, I’m not hooking up with anyone else, he says hes not hooking up with anyone else.  And it was GREAT.  Everything I could have hoped for.  We started to hang out more.  We started to hang out alone.  We started to hang out sober, alone and running errands together.  Grocery shopping, shopping for house furnishings, we hung curtains together.  While this friendship/sexship continued to evolve, Brad kept mentioning my need for a house key.  I would shrug off the comments.  What guy in his right mind gives a girl a key to his house… Unless he is serious.

When a guy gives a girl a key to his house it means:

– I have nothing to hide

– I want you here

– Come and go as you please

Not wanting to get my hopes up, I never brought up the key subject.  Then it happened.  One day he just handed me a key.  It was even cut in a cute girly design.

I have 2 opposite, yet equally bad, habits.  I either extremely over think a situation, or I extremely under think a situation.  But not this time.  I did not let my brain get the best of me.

Early this week I was out and about on my lunch break.  Brad’s house is in the area and he has been working VERY long days.  He has a large dog who starts to eat door knobs, table legs and floor when he is cooped up too long.  Brad has asked me on a few occasions “If you’re in the area and don’t mind letting Blue out.”  I thought “I have time today, I’ll swing by so Blue can run around for a few.”  How nice am I!?  SOOO nice.  Spending my lunch break with your damn dog.

I called Brad when I got to the house to tell him his front door was unlocked!  Strange!  He was weird on the phone when I told him I was at the house with Blue.  Hmmm… Never got weird before?  Always thanked and thanked me?… Oh well, Maybe he was having a bad day at work and had to go quick.  Boy, do I know how that is.

My contact had been bothering me all day.  I went up to Brad’s bathroom hoping to find the contact solution I needed to save it.  Nothing worse than rocking one contact when you are as blind as I am.  Unfortunately, I did not find the contact solution I needed and had to toss my bad contact.  However, even with only one good eye I still managed to see the used CONDOM in the bathroom trashcan.

When i left his house, I left the key on the counter top and locked the door behind me.

And so upon our reunion last night, Blair and I drank.  Cheers to Heartbreak Hangover.